THE BURNING LEGION SUPER TASTY ULTIMATE COOKIES

So, some of you have tried my amazing meatloaf recipe and said, "Sargeras! Your meatloaf recipe is amazing, but I need more! I just can't be happy until I have another recipe from the Kitchen of the Twisting Nether!"

Well, far be it from me to make any of my readers unhappy.

Today I will explain how to make extremely delicious cookies without the annoyance of baking. These are called "no-bake cookies" and it works even if you're not made out of fire! First, you will need some stuff.

HERE IS SOME STUFF YOU WILL NEED
sugar
unsweetened cocoa powder
milk
butter
vanilla extract
salt
peanut butter
quick cooking oats
saucepan
wax paper

(If you don't have any of these things, you will have to make a voyage to the world outside and purchase them at a store. WoW gold is not generally accepted, so make sure you use dollars or euros or whatever. If you don't know what any of these items are, just Google 'em!)

You have your stuff...now what? Well here is what you do!

Step one. Combine 2 cups sugar, 1/3 cup cocoa, 1/2 cup milk, and 1/2 cup butter in the saucepan. (Sorry, metric system users, you will just have to do a little extra Googling.)

Step two. Put the saucepan on one of the burners on the stove (these would be the little round things that get hot). Turn the stove up to medium heat (get an adult or a non-gamer to help with this part if needed!) and put the saucepan on it. Leave it there until its contents boil (lots of little bubbles).

Step three. Remove the saucepan from the heat (and turn off the heat!) and then stir in 1 teaspoon vanilla, 1/2 cup peanut butter, 3 cups of oats, and a pinch of salt.

Step four. Drop the goo in large spoonfuls (however big you want the cookies to be) onto wax paper, and let them cool for about an hour (though you can eat them hot if you're daring.)

Step five. There is no step five because YOU ARE ALREADY DONE!! If they look like little dark brown misshapen lumps that do not greatly resemble normal cookies, congratulations! That means you did it right.

Anyone want to try this and let me know how it goes?

Do I need to rename my blog "Cooking With Sargeras"?!

THE BURNING LEGION SUPER SPICY ULTIMATE MEATLOAF

I don't want to stereotype, but I suspect a certain percentage of my readers are - shall we say - less than skilled in the culinary arts. (In much the same way that murlocs are less than skilled at multivariable calculus.)

You know who you are - you're the ones for whom ramen constitutes a three-course meal, the ones who don't bother to heat up hot dogs before you eat them.

Let's fix that, shall we?

Here is a meal you can prepare yourself that will be delicious, that will be cheap and easy (no really I promise), that will constitute actual cooking, and - if played to its maximum potential - might get you some sexy times with the opposite gender.

Follow along with me. We'll do it together.

Step One. Go to your local food-selling establishment (a Kroger or Wal-Mart will do nicely). Purchase the following ingredients:

• Twelve chicken eggs
• A jar of salsa
• A container of oatmeal
• One pound (.45 kilograms) of ground beef
  

(Protip: You may own some of these ingredients already!)
Note that purchasing these ingredients will force you, regrettably, to go outside. Work up your courage and do this the best you can.

Step Two. Go into your kitchen. This is the place with the peanut butter and jelly!

Step Three. Put the beef into a mixing bowl and add one cup (235 mL) of salsa, 3/4 cup (175 mL) of oatmeal, and one egg. Be sure to crack the egg before adding it, and do not add any of the shell! Mix these ingredients thoroughly with your hands.

Step Four. Put some aluminum foil over a baking pan, then place the whole mass of stuff on the pan. Sculpt it into the same basic shape as a loaf of bread. Poke a hole in the middle with your finger - theoretically this helps it cook more evenly, but mainly it's just fun to do.

Step Five. Put it in the oven (note: not a microwave oven!) and heat at 350 degrees Fahrenheit (180 degrees Celsius) for one hour.

Step Six. Remove the pan from the oven (note: not with your bare hands!). Turn off the oven.

Step Seven. Eat your delicious meatloaf! To make it extra classy, you could put it on a plate first, and/or eat it with silverware. The hotter the salsa, the spicier the meatloaf! (Truly epic overachievers could prepare this with a salad on the side, but I don't want to overwhelm you on your first time.)

Too complicated, you say? Look. You raid Naxx, don't you? You can do this too. Just think of the experience points!

If you have questions or concerns about the steps I've outlined, post them in the comments and we'll figure it out. If you make this recipe successfully, let us know! And if this recipe leads to sexy times with the opposite gender, then congratulations! You don't need the Internet anymore!